The Magician–A Tale of Bernie Sanders

My name is Bernie Sanders,
To college kids I’ll pander.
With less liberty
In the economy
We’ll make this country grander!
If you want a free lunch I’ll provide,
Free college and other bromides,
I’ll just wave my wand:
“Laws of econ be gone!”;
Price controls will make it all fine.
Avarice offends me deeply
Capitalists don’t help the needy.
So give me half of your income
Or else go to prison;
Aren’t you glad that I’m not greedy?
I promise we’ll be like Denmark
(a heaven to which we should hark);
The fact that they’re freer
Econ-wise than we are
Is a fact I’ll fail to impart.
I don’t think demand curves slope down,
Thought there’s ample evidence to be found
I’ll just wave my wand:
“Laws of econ be gone!”
What’s important is how good it sounds.
I’ll raise your taxes as well
For your own good; it’s not hard to tell
We need more of your money
To grow the economy;
Only government spends money well.
The private sector’s full of greed;
They’ll deny you what you need.
But all government men
Should be trusted again
In spite of the abuses we’ve seen.
I’ll make you feel the Bern,
One thing you’ve never learned
Is I can just wave my wand;
“Laws of econ be gone!”
And to prosperity we will return!
The featured image was taken by Gage Skidmore (CC BY-SA 2.0 — photoshopped).
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7 CommentsThoughts? Comments?
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Mike Reid January 28, 2016 , 4:51 pm Vote6
“I’ll just wave my wand:
Laws of econ begone!”
Hahahaha. 🙂
Red Wine Please January 30, 2016 , 4:27 pm Vote0
Good one. Sanders is a piece of work. He panders to that altruist streak in folks. The pragmatists try to defend against him but come up short. Unnerving that he got this far in the race.
If we could turn this into a song, what music should we play? “We are the World”? No, too slow. Puts you to sleep. Something sing-song with a touch of an ethnic beat for background at Starbucks. A little help here…
Julian Adorney January 31, 2016 , 5:58 pm Vote0
This was the inspiration, Clifford.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lw2bHXt8_aI
The meter switches up more than I like for a poem (thanks to Mike Reid for that tip) but I have an original version that matches the meter almost exactly. It’s silly but vaguely menacing, fast-paced, and there’s the added bonus of John Wellington Wells being a villain.
Kevin Beck January 30, 2016 , 5:19 pm Vote0
I’m having trouble coming up with a popular tune that can match a limerick. But the poetry is wonderful. And accurate.
I have never underestimated the intelligence of someone that would support the ideas of socialism, and at the same time claim that it is a “forward movement” for a nation. Every example of national socialism that has been attempted has failed its people. Yet there are more youths in America that would prefer it to economic liberty.
Julian Adorney January 31, 2016 , 6:00 pm Vote0
This was the original inspiration; especially the first couple of verses. Hope that helps with the tune.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lw2bHXt8_aI
I see a lot of socialists today. A lot of them are smart people, they just don’t look too closely at the history of socialism–or they get bamboozled by people like Sanders and think that places like Sweden are socialist.
Ned Netterville January 30, 2016 , 10:21 pm Vote1
Love it. I nominate you poet laureate of this election, at least until Sarah Skwire enters the fray.
Julian Adorney January 31, 2016 , 5:59 pm Vote0
Sarah puts me to shame. Still, thanks!
http://fee.org/freeman/how-the-grinch-stole-the-free-market/